


Letters to Aradia

by apparentlyApocalyptic



Category: Homestuck, Sadstuck - Fandom
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, F/M, Gen, Other, Sadstuck, Why do I do this to myself, letters to the dead, no sgrub
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 10:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4742126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/apparentlyApocalyptic/pseuds/apparentlyApocalyptic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sollux writes a series of letters to Aradia</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Letter

Dear AA, 

How are you? Wow, that's a stupid question. But I suppose I need to ask you. I haven't seen you in a few days, and last time we talked you said the voices were bothering you.   
The voices never bother you AA. I really hope you're okay. But maybe you're out exploring and can't get to your trollian and aren't answering.   
Maybe that's a stupid reason to write you a letter. But I miss you, and I'm worried. I get worried often! You know that.   
I don't know what to do with this letter. Where do I mail it? Your hive? Do I leave it around? Do I burn it?   
Write me back AA. Or at least get to your trollian. I miss you. No one knows where you are. Or they won't tell me. 

Worriedly,   
Sollux


	2. The Second Letter

Dear AA,

Something's going on. And no one will tell me. Karkat's being vague, Terezi won't say a word, and what happened with Tavros? His legs are broken AA. Did you know what about this? What is going on with your geeky role-playing group? And don't get me started on Vriska, she just laughs.   
I'm getting worried. Not just my paranoia ridden worry like usual, but really. You've never been silent this long. Please write back AA.

Actually worried,  
Sollux.


	3. The Third Letter

Dear AA,

Okay, what the fuck is going on. What the hell happened to your hive? Its just ashes and rubble. Where are you? No one will tell me. I think they know.   
You know, don't you. Why won't you tell me AA? Are you mad at me? Did I do something? More than usual I mean. AA, write me back before I go crazy.   
I'm going to try and get Karkat to tell me.

Suspiciously,   
Sollux


	4. The Fourth Letter

Dear AA, 

You aren't talking or writing and I'm beginning to think you don't exist anymore. Maybe you never existed... Maybe this has all been a strange fever dream.  
Maybe I dreamt you up, a best friend to stand besides me. Maybe what's happening right now isn't happening. Maybe I'll wake up and you'll be on trollian, rambling on and on about your newest discovery. 

Dreaming,  
Sollux


	5. The Fifth Letter

Dear AA, 

I had the weirdest dream. I guess I can't dream inside a dream. I dreamt I killed you. That's peculiar, isn't it? I'd never hurt you AA. You know that.  
I don't know why I dreamt that. I don't know why one of my voices had sounded like you. I don't know why your hive is a mess. I don't know why I woke up one day in my hive, mind honey everywhere. I don't know why you suddenly stopped talking.   
There's too many things I don't know AA. 

Cluelessly,  
Sollux


	6. The Sixth Letter

Dear AA,

I killed you, didn't I.   
Of course you're not going to answer, you're dead. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry.   
God I'm a monster, a freak.  
I never meant for any of this.   
You never should've talked to me AA.   
I ruined your life.   
I ENDED your life. 

Fucking everything up,  
Sollux


	7. The Seventh Letter

Dear AA,

I know that you're dead. You're probably not reading these letters, and if you are, I'm the last person you want to hear from. But I'm going to keep writing to you, okay? Like you're still here, even if you aren't. 

Stubbornly denying reality,  
Sollux.


	8. The Eighth Letter

Dear AA,

Karkat has been dragged away. Apparently he had cherry red blood, and that warrants being culled. I miss you AA, Alternia is hell without you. I'm afraid they'll come for me. I'd be fearful that they'd come for you too, but they can't exactly do that now.  
If I was an idiot I'd say I saved you from a terrible fate, but that's not true. No, not at all.   
I just killed you.

As the world passes by,  
Sollux


	9. The Ninth Letter

Dear AA,

I know its been a while since I've talked to you, and I'm sorry about that. But I've been busy, and I'll admit it, its nice to talk to someone alive and someone that responds. Feferi. She's very nice, sort of like you actually. Very alive.   
I don't have to worry about her dying or getting taken away though. She's heir to the throne! I think she'll make things better.   
No more shit like Karkat.  
Probably a foolish wish, but I can hope, right? I'll write to you soon AA.

Hopefully,  
Sollux


	10. The Tenth Letter

Dear AA,

Its been a sweep since you've died. Maybe you didn't see it, and that'd make sense, but I put a jar of mind honey at the ashes of your hive. Things are growing there now, did you know? Trees and grass poking up out of the rubble. One day no one will know that there was even a hive there. Or a murder.  
I think I could've dealt with this worse, but Feferi was there for me. She's quite nice. It could be a lot worse AA.  
I miss you still. You're not forgotten.

Hesitantly optimistic,   
Sollux


	11. The Eleventh Letter

Dear AA,

You know, I never actually thought this would be possible, but I've got a matesprit! Is that an excuse to not have been talking with you so much? Maybe not... But Feferi is alive. She's there. She draws a breath and I can touch her and... I don't have to explain myself to you. You're dead.  
I won't be writing so much anymore. Sorry AA. You'll have to amuse yourself with something other than my pain. 

-Sollux


	12. The Twelth Letter

Dear AA,

Are you haunting me? Why are you now suddenly in my dreams? I didn't abandon you. I never forgot you. You never gave me any sign that you were reading these letters. And now, three sweeps later, you're there. I feel like you're there.   
Have you always been watching me? Are you only now seeping into my dreams, accusing me of so many things...  
I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I haven't written to you in sweeps. But you've got to move on. I did. I'm happy now. I think I am. She's alive, just like you were AA.   
Just let me be and pretend this is my beautiful life, untarnished.

-Sollux


	13. The Thirteenth Letter

Dear AA, 

AA. Its been 5 sweeps since you died. I'm sure you know that. Unless time isn't a reality, wherever you are. I'm 11 sweeps and well...   
Happy wriggling day AA.  
I know I haven't written to you yet on your wriggling day, but before it was too depressing or I was too angry at you.  
But I think I've come to terms with it all.   
You'd be 11 sweeps today AA. I don't know if you age, wherever you are, but someone ought to tell you happy wriggling day. 

Contentedly,  
Sollux


	14. The Fourteenth Letter

Dear AA,

All good things must come to an end apparently. Feferi left me for Eridan. I don't know why, but I miss her. I miss her energy.  
Sorry AA, but there's not much more to say. I'll write you soon. 

Wearily,  
Sollux


	15. The Fifteenth Letter

Dear AA,

I think I figured it out. Or maybe this isn't the reason, but I'd leave anyone is this was the case too.  
I don't feel bad for telling you this, you aren't reading them anyways. Might as well get all that weight off my chest.  
I love you AA. Always have, always will. I think I always saw you in her endless energy and ability to listen to me. Makes me feel like a shitty person, but I am. I am a shitty person.  
But yeah... I wish I told you I loved you earlier. But I'd just be more depressed when you died.  
Fuck it. Its goddamn fucking AWFUL EITHER WAY. Why do I do this to myself.

Sadly,  
Sollux


	16. The Sixteenth Letter

Dear AA,

I'm 17 sweeps. You would be too. I've been alone for some time now, and I've been using this time to think about you. I never really took the time to think about you, really think.  
But now I have.  
You didn't deserve to die Aradia. You shouldn't have. You died because you were strong enough to stand up for yourself, stand up for Tavros. You are.. No. You were so full of life. You'd do anything.  
You wanted to look into Alternian history to see if you could make it better. You were telekinetic, but you never used your powers. Always wanting to do it yourself.  
Never depending on anyone else. You listened to me without complaining. You smiled so brightly. You radiated joy and hope. And though you were the lowest of them all, I held you in the highest regard. I still do.  
Aradia, I know you'll never read these letters unless you can pull yourself together. And I know you'll never tell me.  
And I know this is sappy. But frankly, I don't think I'll be writing again. And I needed to say everything I've never said before.  
Or I haven't said enough.

-Sollux


	17. The Seventeenth Letter

Dear AA,

I'm dying. You and I both know that our immune systems are total shit. Remember that time you got sick, and then went exploring? You collapsed and couldn't take a full breath in. Your blood pressure was scary high and I was so afraid you were going to die. I made you promise me to never do that again.  
You never had another chance to do it again.  
I'm dying AA. I don't know what I have, but i don't think I'm going to outlive it. I don't really have an incentive too anyways...   
I think I'll be seeing you soon AA.

Love,  
Sollux


	18. The Last Letter

Dear Sollux,

See you soon.

Love,  
Aradia


	19. Epilogue

When you want to imagine the future imagine a girl with rust red blood smiling softly at a boy with yellow blood.

Imagine the girl extends her hand to him.

Imagine the boy takes her hand. 

Imagine that they walk off to somewhere better, somewhere inaccessible to the rest of us. Hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the chapters were short, and he probably wrote more letters to her but... I dunno. I think I glossed over the important parts. We cant all write letters to our past.


End file.
